Today has been an emotional day for me. I was crying during church and I was so embarassed but you just can't help how you feel. And I have been "out of it" all day. I can't get this thing with Steven out of my head. I asked him today if him and Elisabeth were dating. He said it wasn't official but assumed. So yes in other words. If I didn't feel bad enough about the thought of them possibly getting together, now I feel worse. I just have this aching feeling. And I don't think he notices. He doesn't act any different around me and wouldn't want him to. But...I'm hurting right now. I have deep feelings for him and no matter how hard I try to make them go away, they just wont. Obviously he could get rid of his for me, or at least suppress them. At least Elisabeth is a nice girl. If I didn't have feelings for him, I would be really happy about it. And I'm trying to be. I'm trying to be supportive. And he is trying to be nice about it. He doesn't even mention here really around me. But his sister does. She says how cute they are. She has no idea. I try to smile and say I'm okay. But I'm not. I feel like I have no one to talk to about it. If I did, I would be so much better. The two people I tell everything are him and Val. I can't tell him because I don't want to blow it even more and Val didn't like the idea of me liking him from the start. So I'm trapped. Trapped in silence. At least for this moment.
My girls made me smile tonight. They always do. Their mom filled me up too. Now I have a tummy ache :P I made them listen to Josh Groban, hehe. 3 of them loved his voice and 1 thought his songs were waaaay to slow. I love his music :D
I'm going to go spend some time with God now. May God bless you all.
~Megan~