2003-02-12
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I wish I could lay in a hammock and watch the rain fall down. Smile as the droplets slid across my face. Just to lay there in the rain. Become the calm amidst the storm.

But instead I cry the tears that cause the storm more often then not. I stir up the winds inside of me and turn the summers day into winters chill. And I know within my heart that it's not neccesary. I try to talk myself out of it but I remain awake in the middle of the night.

I wish I could let it all go. I try. I open my hands and lift them to God. I feel a peace. For only Christ can be the calm in the storm. But then I pull my hands back down. I let Satan win one. And I clinch my hands. When the nails marks start to be ingrained in my skin, I loosen up. I slowly reach back to God.

But why...why do I clinch them in the first place? Why do I hold back from the only one who can bare it?

"So I lay my head back down and I lift my hands and pray to be only yours. I pray to be only yours. I know now your my only hope."

~Megan~